Jennifer Nicole Kelly - Site Memorial Online

 The Unclaimed Stocking

Take the photo album down from the shelf, or pull the family videos out of the cabinet and more than likely the pictures or scenes that you’ll see are ones of family gatherings.  Many will be from previous Thanksgiving’s or Christmas’ as families scattered over the years and miles have come back together to spend time with one another.  The holidays are especially hard for those who grieve as they once again assemble the puzzle called family – only this time there is a missing piece and the picture is incomplete.  There is an empty chair at the end of the Thanksgiving table where Dad use to sit.  There is a stocking left to hang with no child to claim it.  Try as hard as you might in rearranging the chairs or redecorating, everyone knows it just isn’t the same.  The pause of the holidays allow our minds to be enveloped by all of the emotions that are held in check by the daily grind.

Our grief journey is very hard and very long and yes, God walks beside us…. but many times, it is the people who come along side us for even short periods of the walk that have encouraged us back into the mainstream of life.  May I share some of the traits of the best companions? 

A cross stands next to the road, painted in pink, Jen’s favorite color.  From time to time, Sharon (my wife) and/or I visit to drop off something special; a small Christmas tree, a pumpkin in October, or flowers.  Her friends have visited as well and we will see the gifts they have left.  They have also written messages on the large boulder that sits near the cross.  Her cousin has left his dog tags since Jen loved being in JROTC.

I do not visit often because when I do, I find myself replaying in my mind the events of those last 3 seconds before the SUV crushed Jen’s little Kia Rio.  From what we have gathered from police reports, tread marks, and our own visual inspection of the Rio, we can only conclude that Jen went off the right shoulder of the road (about a 4” drop) and then as many young drivers do, she over-corrected and crossed into the path of the oncoming SUV.  The impact point on her car was the passenger door.  The right half of the car was completely crushed up to the center console and rear-view mirror.  The passenger seat had been thrust up and over the driver’s seat and severed the seat belt that Jen was wearing.  She was thrown through the driver side window leaving her open shoes undisturbed on the floor in front of what use to be the driver’s seat.  Broken CD’s were scattered both in and outside the car.  In the trunk was an empty pizza box and a special blue shawl that we hold close even today.

For the first several weeks, I was haunted by this 3 second scene played over and over in my dreams.  Finally, my path toward healing took a dramatic turn when God spoke to my heart and said, “Now imagine the next 3 seconds.”  I no longer dwelled on the last 3 seconds in the Rio. Instead, I was awed by what she would have seen in the first 3 seconds in Heaven.  Something more beautiful than anyplace on this earth and a familiar face she had never seen before saying “Well Done, thou good and faithful servant!”

For those who wish her returned to us, I have concluded for me it is a selfish thought.  She is much better in Heaven than with us here on earth.  Nevertheless, a deep hole is left in my heart where once I heard laughter and music and felt her hand inside mine, and her face against mine.

Many times I have heard well-intended people say, “So unfair to take someone so young!”  And I would answer, “yes it is.”  How is it that my daughter of 17 years was worthy enough that Jesus would come to earth and die for her sins?  The answer is she was not worthy enough and it is an unfair miracle that she now experiences.  I too know part of this miracle today and will one day fully experience it.

From the day of her birth, Jen was raised in a Christian home and learned all about Jesus and Christianity.  But it was on the schoolyard of a public school at the age of 8 that it became REAL to her when her best friend showed her the difference between knowing about Jesus and really knowing Him.  It is not enough to memorize facts from the Bible and be able to recite them back.  True Christianity, the kind that gets you to Heaven, is based on acknowledging our sin, asking for God’s forgiveness, and claiming the promise in Jesus’ death as a penalty to cover our imperfection (Heaven would no longer be perfect if the imperfect resided there and God would not be just if he did not punish sin) and then to act on that new reality to the point of action.  Not action to earn God’s favor; but rather action because of God’s favor.  And the freedom we feel here on earth because we know we are forgiven is just the down payment!

We call the shoes left in the car Jen’s Ascension shoes.  In a split second, she flew right out of them into the arms of Jesus, the one who paid the penalty for her sin.  His resurrection is proof that there is life after death.  Someday, I’ll be with Jen again because I believe Jesus died for my sins and rose from the grave so that I will live with Him and Jen and Sharon, and Jamie (my older daughter) and millions and perhaps billions of others who have come to the realization that God’s plan of salvation works a whole lot better than mine since He wrote the rule book.

As Jen’s Dad, I am faced with the reality that I cannot control everything.  God has lent my children to me for a time to raise them into His service – not for some temporary existence on this earth.  If the accident proves anything, it proves that I cannot control the time of death.  I could die 3 seconds from now but if I did, I know what the next 3 seconds would be like because I know Jesus!

Do you know where you would be in the second 3 seconds?  If not, write to us.  We would love to share more about the hope we have in spite of our grief.  Do we have days where we seem to dwell on what we no longer have? To be honest with you I’d have to say yes.  But I’m spending more time now on knowing the things I do have.  I have Jesus.  I have Heaven.  I have the reality that I will see Jen again.

Absolutely feel free to write us if you have any questions on how you can be sure where you would be in the second three seconds at jensfaith@jenniferkelly.name